How Time Flies

I returned to my blog site today, and could NOT believe that it has been  3 years since my last post! A LOT has happened since then, and I guess my level of busy-ness has kept me from jotting my thoughts down. Kind of sad, how busy life can get, and opportunities to keep up a meaningful record of experiences and developments are missed. However, I guess any entries here might be valuable to my kids someday, so I will continue to write, even if it is only occasionally.

My last post outlined some of my struggles with my son, Donovan, who is now going to turning 18 and a few months. Since that last post, Donovan continued to struggle through his high school years, and is now about to attempt grade 12 for the second time. Over the years, his father and I have watched his anger and frustration grow with school, and him always coming home and stating, "I hate school."

Well, finally, a development happened this summer, which I wished I had happened years ago. I had him tested privately by a psychologist, specializing in young kids and learning disabilities. Sure enough, after completing several tests, it was revealed that Donovan has a significant delay in understanding verbal instructions, as well as conversation, oral reading, and identifying abstract concept in texts. It was also found that his processing speed is severely delayed, which requires Donovan to have much more time to complete tasks which others may complete in a more timely manner.

As I was listening to this, I went through a bunch of different emotions: First, anger, that not one of Donovan's teachers identified this problem in the classroom. Donovan was able to achieve 60% and higher in subjects, and if there was a problem in a particular subject, it was blamed on his attitude or laziness. I myself, thought that his anger at home was related to mistakes that I had made as a parent, and carried this guilt for years. I had even asked Donovan if he was angry about certain family transitions, and he had said, "No, it's not that." but couldn't articulate what was eating at him. Thinking back, there were instances when I had to repeat what I had said to him, or explain a meaning of a word here and there, but had no idea that he had such a significant delay. I myself thought he was just rebelling and taking the easy way out when it came to completing projects. He didn't present as a kid who couldn't understand what you were saying to him.

Second, surprise, but not really. Mother's intuition told me that there was something not quite right. Even though a few different psychologists had told me that he was a "Normal angry teenage kid."
Third, relief. Identifying that there was a problem allows us to fix it, and gives Donovan a reason that he hasn't like school all this time.

Fourth, GUILT. As I listened to the results of the test scores, I cried, feeling so badly for Donovan all this time not being able to figure out what was wrong. Guilt that I hadn't figured it out sooner, and gotten him tested earlier. All this time, I thought his issues were emotional, but as it turns out, it was related to his frustration at not being able to identify what was wrong.

I learned something from this experience. That you must be so proactive with your kids when it comes to matters like this. It's so important to actually DO something. And if you are overreacting, it's ok. I called Donovan last night to explain the results to him, and to see what he thought of it. He confirmed that he thought her report made sense, and I apologized to him for not seeing this sooner. The report will allow Donovan all sorts of accomodations for his last year of school, to ensure that his assignments/credit requirements are way more in line with his learning style. Phew!

Who knows? Maybe this year will be a turning point, a fresh start. Now we have hope. :)