On My Own

This week, I just came to the realization that I am really on my own.

As it turns out, no matter how much I would like to, I can't wiggle my way into the forefront of anyone's life. The things I thought were special, are not necessarily special to anyone else, and I can't make anyone understand how much something means to me.

The old saying, "You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." comes to mind when I think about this dilemma. You can express to someone how much you might need something, but that doesn't mean they will validate you by filling you up with what you need.

However, it seems to me (and maybe I'm wrong here, feel free to comment...) that if you are closely linked to someone, and you both mean a lot to each other, fulfilling each other's needs should be effortless, and a given, and a priority to both.

I know that when I love someone, really love them, I will do whatever I can to make them know it. And I am completely confident that they will know it, and will never doubt how important they are to me. After all, isn't that what real love is about?

Life is too short to spend it feeling disappointed, second-best, forgotten and lost. What's the point of that? My thought is, that if the person I am trying to coax to understand me doesn't understand me, then maybe my light was not shining bright enough in their eyes to see my soul, and how much it was pleading for them to recognize what I really needed. Maybe my light can only be seen by certain people in this world, and that person was not one of them.

However, there are other factors for two people not being in "synch" - daily life, stresses, philosophies, preoccupations, sure, and that is understandable. That would just mean that the timing for the two people is off, and not meant to be.

I believe there is meaning in every interaction in this world, and every person who comes into our lives is meant to for some reason to make us better, help us learn something. Maybe you will learn what is important to you, maybe you will learn what you really want in this life, maybe you will learn what you don't want in this life, maybe you will see what you cannot live without... For every conversation, every utterance of affection, every smile, every laugh, every tear, I am forever grateful. I would not give back any bit of what I have experienced. All of it has given me joy and hope and insight that has forever changed me.

Hamlaghk, Eni jaya...